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Important Warning!

Prolonged exposure to ectophilic music has been known to induce EWS. Continue at your own risk. Following is a brief example of the suffering EWS can cause:

From: Damon Harper
Date: Thu, 10 Aug 95 23:04 PDT
Subject: EWS Strikes Again!

VANCOUVER, CANADA - Damon Harper of Mission, a city in the Vancouver area, had nearly recovered from his graze with bankruptcy last week, when the dread disease that causes him to spend so much money struck again.
Last Wednesday, Damon became infected with EWS (Empty or Ectophilic Wallet Syndrome), a disease peculiar to the Ectophiles and related groups, an ethnic minority to which he belongs.
That day, Damon went on a rampage in nearby Abbotsford; a spending spree of gargantuan proportions which left a local used compact disc seller severely underectostocked. Damon purchased nine CDs in all that day, six from the used CD store.
Yesterday, Damon had nearly recovered. He was taking a sabbatical in Vancouver when the deadly disease struck again, this time in Vancouver's downtown area.
Damon purchased another astounding nine CDs, bringing his total to eighteen CDs within the span of eight days. He is now recovering back home in Mission, taking the standard cure for EWS: time, and lots of listening to music.
EWS is one of the small but rapidly growing family of diseases known as ITDs, or Internet Transmitted Diseases. ITDs are the only known diseases whose vector, or means of infection, is electronic, and include such disastrous complexes as IRCD (Internet Relay Chat Dependency) and the more recent and intense ValenAddiction.
EWS is particularily deadly to Ectophiles and other related minorities. According to Dr. Godfrid Bush, an expert in Internet- and music-related disorders, "The Ectophilic immune system is incapable of countering EWS.
"As is normal when a disease is encountered in the body, mass amounts of antibodies are produced by the cells, and eventually conquer the disease.
"Normally these antibodies prevent further infection by the disease, as they remain in the blood in great numbers. However, Ectophilic antibodies associated with diseases such as EWS are essentially fruitless.
"In short, these antibodies simply lack the willpower to fend off further attacks of EWS."
There is disturbing evidence that EWS may have found a new, physical vector. Though normally electronically transmitted, it is thought that the disease may be adapting to the physical world, as Damon had spent Tuesday meeting some friends of Ectophilic and related origins, and, as he told reporters later, "having quite a wonderful time."
This evidence is backed by the empirical observation that while the vast majority of the albums Damon bought last Wednesday were older releases, all but one of the albums bought this week were 1995 releases.
"This is a disturbing development," opines Dr. Bush, "and may indicate an adapted, and perhaps even more virulent, strain of the disease."
Whatever the possible implications, Damon and his gasping wallet are now undergoing the time treatment. "I hope I don't succumb again," says Damon, weak and pallid on the bed in his basement room. "I can't afford a recurrence. And yet, somehow..."

(reprinted from the ecto archives with the kind permission of... er... me! [Damon])
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